Confrontation at Plaza Dieng
My first day in Malang (and even during orientation in Jakarta) certain rules regarding male/female interactions in Indonesia were made very clear. Men cannot be in your house alone with the door shut, they shouldn't be in your house after dark, and you shouldn't go over a man's house alone. Some cities are definitely more liberal than others, but Malang is pretty conservative. My neighbors and the teachers are my school have told me that "things aren't like America here" and "my boyfriends" (special emphasis was placed on the plural) shouldn't sleep over my house. It's pretty obvious what their preconceptions of Americans girls are.I mean, I'm fine with the guidelines--this is a Muslim community, and there are certain behaviors that everyone knows about...which is why is makes me SO ANGRY when some Indonesian men try to get me to violate the rules. Once they hear I'm from America, the next question is almost always, "Can I have your handphone number?" After I say my phone is from the US Embassy and only for emergencies, then it moves to, "What is your address? Let's go to your house and talk." It really makes me feel sick sometimes, because obviously these men have watched American movies or heard rumors about sex-crazed American women and they think that I'll do anything. At Plaza Dieng today (Malang's poor imitation of a strip mall), I finally summoned all my Indonesian and had it out with one of these men:
Note--this conversation takes place in very slow Indonesian, some broken English, and some forceful pantomime on my part. This man chased me across the street and up the mall stairs to talk to me.
Man: Where are you from?
Me: America.
Man: What's your name?
Me: Caitlin...(awkward silence) What's yours?
Man: Willy
Me: Senang bertemu Anda...Saya tidak tahu Bahasa Indonesia (nice to meet you; I don't know Indonesian).
Willy: I like your hair.
Me: Thanks...OK Willy, I'm going to get a manicure.
Willy: Do you want to meet up later?
Me: Ummm...saya tidak mengerti (I don't understand--even though I obviously had)
Willy: Me, and you, go to your house now.
Me: Apa? Kenapa? (why)
Willy: To hang out...
Me: My neighbors said I can't have men over my house.
Willy: Tidak apa-apa (no problem), come to my house.
Me: (losing my temper) Why you say that to me? If I Indonesian girl, you don't say that to me.
Willy: Apa?
Me: Anda tahu yang tidak benar (you know that's not right).
Willy: You are talking about the Javanese way. I'm from Papua. Papuans can go to your house.
Me: Do you think I'm stupid? Anda tidak bagus (you not good).
Willy: Come on...
Me: You are saying this because I'm foreign. Saya sedih dan marah (I'm sad and mad--the most forceful words I know).
Willy: You are not Javanese. Come to my house.
Me: I am Javanese for a year. (A lightbulb goes on in my head) Saya menikah (I'm married).
Willy: Tidak apa-apa.
Me: Saya tidak suka Anda! Saya tidak mau bicara dengan Anda! (I don't like you! I don't want to talk to you!)
Willy spits out a string of Indonesian and I run away.
I'm glad I at least said something to him. Maybe he'll think twice now before assuming all foreigners have loose moral boundaries. I have noticed that a vast majority of men who treat me like this are not from Java, so maybe the "rules" are just Javanese--but I like them. I think I'm going to buy a cheap ring and just tell everyone I'm married from now on.
posted by Caitlin @ 10:12 PM
2 Comments:
It's terrible to say it, but I'm glad to hear someone else is suffering from this too. Read my latest blog entry and you'll see my similar predicament.
your post is interesting. it is sad that you have experienced something awful in the mall but it is good to note that there are men who would like to take advantage of woman...and not necessarily over westerners, but i think, they would do that to a local too.
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